Hi, I’m Waldemar Wolfgang “Van” Driver, I’m an environmental evangelist, human rights advocate, inventor, poet and juice mogul. Since 1975 I’ve been perfecting a special blend of herbs and weeds, rhizomes, mycelia, berries and branches in the form of a naturally sparkling beverage we like to call Scrummm! My journey has taken me through cloud forests and sand dunes, but I am nearly ready to flood the world with my ambrosiac omnium gatherum.
Anne Ryder, my heart, my soul, my common-law wife and mother to our. Four beautiful daughters. More about her later.
Reignbeau Ryder, my stepdaughter, a brilliant lawyer for a capitalist conglomerate that’s part of the military industrial complex. It breaks our hearts that she has strayed so far from the values that our family tried to instill: faith, charity, altruistic hedonism, and entheogenic liberation. I truly wish her my sincerest, heartfelt wishes for health and happiness, and have eternal hope that she will return to us.
Cassaoepia, Anne and my oldest daughter together. She’s currently attending Savantmore, our homeschool university, where she’s double majoring in Astralphysics and Chemistry.
Cleome, our middle daughter, has just entered high school. We are worried she’s been over exposed to the world. She’s a self-proclaimed internet influencer who dresses up in costumes from cartoons that we’re sure she’s making up.
Odyssey, our youngest, named after the location of her conception, our Honda minivan. We love that vehicle almost as much as we love her. Both are fast and take turns well, but the minivan gets better mileage, since I converted it to electromagnetic pyramid power.
Tumbleweed, my spiritual son, we picked him up hitchhiking 25 years ago and we’ve been family ever since.
Peapod, Anne’s friend from the ashram.